Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
