My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
