Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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