here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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