someone get that fucking seahorse.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
