Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
