her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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