I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
