walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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