my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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