Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
