i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
