Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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