u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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