Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
