How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize