I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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