did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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