A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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