you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
