My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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