He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
