two words: eviction party
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
