The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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