Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
