shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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