I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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