there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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