I have demons in me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He? As in you personified your dick?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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