Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
