Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize