Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
