dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Randomize
