It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
