I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
