I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
