And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
