I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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