I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
