I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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