the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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