Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize