Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
