i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
