the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
