You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
