I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
