I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
