textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize