I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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