i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
