Me too!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
