I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
