did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize