you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
