last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 ðŸžðŸ·
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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