I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
