oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
