in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
