so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
