My room smells like vodka and shame
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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