Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
