I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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