I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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