dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize