those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
