I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
