fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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