Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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