Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
