Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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