Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize