idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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