Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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