i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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