shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
