made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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