Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
