obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
you never un-have a 4some
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
