if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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