You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
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