she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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