Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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