Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
