The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
