so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
