She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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