So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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