You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize