Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
my poor anus
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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