I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
