No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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