I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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