So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
